I am the kind of person who can persevere any kind of situation, but it's getting too hard for me. When I'm at home, my parents are always yelling at me for things like playing games on my computer and sleeping till 12 pm while I usually sleep past 12 am, and sometimes I don't even sleep. When I'm in school, my parents usually call me to ask what I'm doing and things like that. At this point, I'm very fed up, and I don't want to visit them anymore, and I don't want them to call me anymore. No matter how hard I try, they always criticize me, even when I get nothing but B on my grades. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of life. I'm tired of everything. I hate life so much I don't know what to do anymore. Please help me. Signed: Tired Dear Tired:Charlie hears that your parents seem to be pushing into your life in ways that are unwanted. The transition in relationship from parent/child to parent/emerging adult can be difficult. It sounds as if your parents are having more trouble than you are with this transition.
Often the motivating force behind parents’ actions is simply concern--but there may be a lack of awareness of how this can be hurtful. Charlie is concerned that simply avoiding them will exacerbate their efforts to intervene on your behalf.
Therefore, Charlie wonders if you’ve considered asking them to sit down with you and establish some healthy boundaries on which you both can agree. If/when you do this, it is helpful to first listen patiently to their concerns, then tell them how you feel and what you would like to see happen.
For example, part of the solution might be to agree to periodic phone conversations to help address your parents' need to know how you’re doing and be involved in your life. In addition, you might want to discuss living in their home.
In each case, it will be important to broach the topic of setting some parameters for being in or near their presence while still feeling like you’re living relatively independently. Your goals for this process would include mutual understanding and mutual compromise as well as the development of a healthy relationship with open communication.
Another consideration is this: while you don’t control your parent’s behavior, you do control your own. Thus, the more you show your parents that you can be and are responsible, the more your parents will be likely to be willing to relinquish control and trust in your decision-making and autonomy. It sounds like, in addition to your concerns about your parents, that there are some things going on for you personally. This is reflected in you mentioning that you are “tired of everything” and “hate life”, etc. This makes Charlie wonder if you are feeling depressed.
With this in mind, Charlie recommends that you consider talking to a counselor at the Counseling Center. For starters, a counselor will do a more thorough assessment of what’s going on with you. The next step would be to discuss the issues with your parents in more detail as well as address any others concerns you may have, including your mood. Counseling is a free and confidential service to Ball State students. If interested, call 765-285-1736 to set up your initial appointment. To feeling re-energized, Charlie
Copyright © 2013 Ball State University 2000 W. University Ave. Muncie, IN 47306
800-382-8540 and 765-289-1241