Dear Charlie:

What am I supposed to do when there is no one in this world that cares? Even when I try to reach out online with small hopes that anyone with notice I know that my concerns are not felt by a "broad range of students" and therefore will not even be answered. If I am paying to go to this school I should feel welcomed and appreciated and yet my questions are not always answered and I am left feeling more alone than ever, why?

Signed: Alone in the Crowd

Dear Alone in the Crowd:

Charlie hears that you are feeling alone. You say that you want to feel welcomed and appreciated, and Charlie understands as these are very fundamental desires. In this answer, Charlie hopes that you will begin to find some of what you are seeking.

It appears that you are attempting to reach out to others online. As you know, social networking online is not only a fad but has become, in many ways, the norm for this generation. It offers, to name a few things, instant communication and flexibility that were unheard of just a few years ago. Nevertheless, it is also quite limited.

For one thing, Charlie wonders if you have unrealistic expectations about your online posts. You say, for example, “my questions are not always answered” and you seem to conclude “there is no one in the world who cares." For starters, Charlie encourages you to be realistic about online communication and recognize that lack of response to your posts more likely means that people are just busy with other things. Also, it may be that others are uninterested in your question but not uninterested in you.

Because you reference feeling unappreciated at this school, Charlie wonders if you felt more connected back home and are having problems getting connected in college. If so, Charlie wants you to know that this not uncommon. Students have many opportunities to become acquainted with others in their local communities. This is both a function of a longer time frame and of multiple opportunities for getting involved in activities. By contrast, the college community can seem more anonymous and/or isolating in some ways. If this is the case for you, Charlie encourages you to try reaching out to others. One effective way of doing this is to find other students with common interests. For example, there are many campus organizations at Ball State. By joining one or more organizations, you will give yourself a chance to bond with others who are similar to you. For a list of these organizations, see:  http://cms.bsu.edu/CampusLife/StudentLife/StudentOrgs


You don’t elaborate but Charlie suspects that you hesitate or may even be afraid to reach out to people in person versus online. If this is a problem for you, another resource is the Counseling Center. Counseling is a free and confidential service for Ball State students. My friends there are warm and easy to talk to. They offer individual counseling for a broad range of issues including interpersonal connection. In addition, the center offers group counseling. Groups are a unique venue for getting to know others in a safe environment. If you are interested in setting up an intake appointment or inquiring about the center’s group program, Charlie encourages you to call 765-285-1736 today.

To embracing the crowd,
Charlie